MovieRevenue: FHG base update

[Optic]

Merry Christmas, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's start with a joke.

---------------------------------------
What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
---------------------------------------

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+ 70% partner percent for VoyeurRealTime.com (http://VoyeurRealTime.com).

Althogh my beard is not as white as Santa's I'll do my best to bring more joy and happiness to your business and the whole life!

Merry Christmas!

[Optic]

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I believe that you have already explored your xmas stockings and do really enjoy your holidays.
Our program wishes you to be no less success than in 2004, all your dreams come true and the more profits with MovieRevenue (http://movierevenue.com).

And as the serving to your xmas table I dare offer you the last 30 FHG pack for LesbianScreen (http://lesbianscreen.com).
Example can be viewed here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/ls/big/templ06/09/index.htm).

Have a Great year! Hourah!!

[Optic]

Salut, mes camrados!

New year - new galleries for one the of oldiest site with the real mature convert: MaturePornClips (http://maturepornclips.com).
30 FHG, example can be viewed here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/mpc/tgp/templ07/09/index.htm).

As far as you know, we had some problems caused by simultaneous crash of 4 of our servers. but all is recovered now, so more you are welcome to MovieRevenue (http://movierevenue.com).

Salut!

[Optic]

Joke (beleive, no one will be abused).

Yo momma's so fat,

- she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
- when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
- when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
- at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
- when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
- when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
- she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
- when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
- Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
- when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
- I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
- when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
- she's 36- 24- 36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
- when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
- her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
- all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"
- when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
- when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
- when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
- a picture of her fell off the wall!
- her picture takes two frames.



30 FHG specially designed for 2nd tour of one of the most popular of or sites xxxFattyMovies (http://a1.xxxfattymovies.com).
3 movies, 20 secs long. Example can be viewed here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/xfm/big/templ08/23/index.htm).

Good luck and watch your diet! :)

[Optic]

Joke.

Woman comes to a sex-shop to buy a dildo herself.
- I would like to take this green one, this blue and that red. How much will it be?
- $20 for green, $40 for blue and the red one is not for sale. It is a fire extinguisher.




30 new FHG for second tour of BigToyMovies (http://a1.bigtoymovies.com). 3 clips, diverse content, catching design. Examples: Gallery 07 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/btm/big/templ07/07/index.htm) and Gallery 25 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/btm/big/templ07/25/index.htm).


Maybe people still miss Xmas toys, anyway this month BigToyMovies (http://a1.bigtoymovies.com) is selling very encouraging.

Welcome to advert and good luck!

[Optic]

Joke.


A man walks into a pub and orders a pint. After a couple of sips, he looks up and sees a woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He calls the landlord over and says he'd like to buy the lady a drink.

The landlord says, "Listen pal, let me save you some trouble. She's a lesbian."

The man thinks it over, shrugs his shoulders and says, "That's ok, I'd like to buy her a drink anyway."

So, the landlord brings the woman her drink. The woman lifts her glass and gives the man a nod of thanks. He gets up from his barstool and saunters over to the woman. As he sits down on the stoll next to her he says, "So, which part of Lesbia are you from then?"




This time with great pleasure I offer you new pack of 30 FHG for new tour of LesbianScreen (http://a3.lesbianscreen.com). Basically, it is the gallery-like modification of first tour (http://lesbianscreen.com). "10x10" format, example can be viewed here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/ls/tgp/templ08/01/index.htm).

Have a great day and good luck!

[Optic]

Hello, my dear friends.

I've just returned from Florida. 70 to 30 Farenheit is pretty shocking. But I've really enjoyed it.
Anyway, back to work. There is what I'm ready to offer you for this moment.

1. We have added a posibility for you to choose what price option FHG will lead to.

E.g.,

http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=23/vrt/stream/templ01/01/index.htm/1 - will choose the One time option as default

and

http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=23/vrt/stream/templ01/01/index.htm/3 - recurring.

Note: All previous links are working as usual. No special changes are needed.



2. We've prepared new 30 stream galleries for Mature Porn Clips (http://maturepornclips.com) pay site. Our statistics shows that in some cases this format galleries convert better the others. Check out an example (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/mpc/stream/templ05/01/index.htm).

The last 2 months are as good as ever, so Welcome! (http://movierevenue.com/gpishell/wm/signup.html).



And also a bit out-of-date congrats with our St.Sponsor's Day! :)

[Optic]

Dear webmasters!

Today is 6 months since I have been working for MovieRevenue (http://MovieRevenue.com) partnership program. It was a great experience to me, working with high professionals - our program team, programmers, designers, having lots of communications and sharing ideas with webmasters, member support - hey, I'm loving it.

So, what do we have for today.

Up to 60% partnership - http://movierevenue.com/programs.html
Referral program
5 sites - http://movierevenue.com/oursites.html
Lots of promo stuff - FHG, banners etc (30 new galleries twice a week)
Individual treatment of every webmaster - team@movierevenue.com

and we keep growing up.

What else can I say - Welcome! (http://movierevenue.com/gpishell/wm/signup.html)




This time I offer you 30 new FHG for Lesbian Screen (http://a3.lesbianscreen.com). 3 movies 20 seconds each.
Example can be viewed here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=23/ls/big/templ07/30/index.htm/1).

Good luck and have a great day!

[Optic]

Joke, as usual.

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."


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Amasing converts - that's the main feature for XXX Fatty Movies (http://a1.xxxfattymovies.com).

Welcome! (http://movierevenue.com/gpishell/wm/signup.html)

[Optic]

Hello, dear webmasters.

Certain part of our today FHGs content is made with hidden bath cam, so I offer you the following joke.



Two male priests are having baths in different tubs next to each other. In between the tubs is one soap dish, without any soap in it. So one of the priests goes to get some soap from the Cathedral bathroom. As he is walking back with the soap naked, three visitors are walking through the halls. One of them is a pervert.
The priest sees them and stops like he's dead with the soap in his hands. The perverted visitor looks and says, "Hey! Look at that statue! I'm gonna yank it's dick!" So he goes over and yanks it. The priest drops one of the bars of soap. "Oh look. A soap dispenser," the perverted guy says.
So the other visitors, a girl and boy go over to the priest. The other guy yanks his dick. The priest drops another bar of soap. "Yeah it is a soap dispenser," the guy says.
So the girl decides to join in. She yanks his dick. Surprised, she says, "Oh look! Hand lotion!"




Ok, then. 30 new FHG for VoyeurRealTime (http://voyeurrealtime.com).
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Altough the site is about 4 months old it shows a great results. And don't forget about exclusive live hidden cams inside.

Have a great day and Welcome! (http://movierevenue.com/gpishell/wm/signup.html)

[Optic]

I am really glad that among webmasters there so many charming ones. I have found several ideas of origin of International Women's Day (even that that date was chosen because of Purim) but for me it is not the day of "Fighting for equal Rights" but a chance to say 'thank you' for those we do such dumb things for sometimes and will always do (thanks to Mother Nature).


No more sentiments. back to job. 30 new Free Hosted Galleries for Mature Porn Clips (http://maturepornclips.com). 10 clips 10 seconds each. Dark clear design. Click here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/mpc/tgp/templ08/20/index.htm) for example.

More galleries - more profits. Welcome!

[Optic]

More jokes? Here they are.

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "D-d-do y-you h-h-have d-d-dildos?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: D-d-do y-y-you h-h-have a-a-a p-p-pink one, t-t-ten inches-s-s l-l-long a-a-and a-b-bout t-t-two inches-s-s th-th-thick-k-k?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"C-c-can y-y-you t-t-tell m-m-me how-w-w t-t-to t-t-turn t-t-the f-f-fuckin' th-th-thing-g off-f-f?"




And now as most serious as I could be, I present you our last FHG pack for Big Toy Movies (http://bigtoymovies.com). 30 galleries, one streaming gallery 15 seconds long. Check out an example (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/btm/stream/templ04/26/index.htm).

Welcome to promote our one of the best converting niche sites and have a great day!

[Optic]

Fat joke.

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.''
Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.''

The wife became incensed and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?''

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked.

She replied, ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?''



30 new FHG for XXX Fatty Movies (http://xxxfattymovies.com). One streaming movie, 15 seconds long.
Check out a sample gallery (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/xfm/stream/templ05/01/index.htm).


Descriptions for recent 600 galleries should be ready next week.

Wait for something special in next two weeks.

Welcome and feel free to contact me on anything concerning MovieRevenue (http://movierevenue.com).

[Optic]

Hello, my dearest webmasters!

We have finally changed moving to new hosting and we're up again and been already tested on our own traffic.

So, there is what we have for this moment.

Things remained the same:

1) 5 niche sites


Big Toy Movies (http://bigtoymovies.com)
Lesbian Screen (http://lesbianscreen.com)
Mature Porn Clips (http://maturepornclips.com)
Voyeur Real Time (http://voyeurrealtime.com)
XXX Fatty Movies (http://xxxfattymovies.com)

2) banners, HPA and more than 2400 Free Hosted Galleries (30 new FHG twice a week).


3) Payments are made twice a month. Epassporte, paypal, wire.


New features.

1) 04/16/05 - 04/30/05 - 60% for all sites and all webmasters.
(check Programs (http://movierevenue.com/programs.html) section on MovieRevenue.com (http://movierevenue.com) to get informed about special bonuses).

2) Billings: CCBill - for credit cards and WTSBank (ACHDebit) for checks. In nearest future there will be new billing solutions available.

So, here we are! Welcome to promote!

MovieRevenue - Join and enjoy!



And surely, new FHG.

Site - Big Toy Movies (http://bigtoymovies.com),
Amount - 30,
Format - 10 movies 10 seconds each,
Sample - Gallery 10 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/btm/tgp/templ06/10/index.htm).


Good luck!

[Optic]

Joke, as usual.

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."

The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

"Terrible, doctor, terrible."

"Did it not work?"

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."




Our grannys don't need any medicine. Let your surfers check it up.
So, 30 new galleries for Mature Porn Clips (http://maturepornclips.com).
10 clips 10 seconds each. Click here (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/mpc/tgp/templ09/09/index.htm) for sample gallery.

Welcome to promote and don't forget about "60%" action that starts tomorrow.

Good luck and more profits with MovieRevenue (http://MovieRevenue.com)!

[Optic]

Lesbian joke.

A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have this terrible rash.” She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ‘M’ shaped rash. The doctor replies, “Now that is the strangest rash I’ve ever seen.” The woman explains, “Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.” The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way.

The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash. “How did you get that?” the doctor asks. “My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,” she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way.

The third day another young woman comes into the doctor’s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ‘M’ on her chest.

“Let me guess,” the doctor says. “Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?” “No,” the patient replies, “My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.”


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One streaming video, 15 seconds long.
Sample galleries: Gallery 1 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/ls/stream/templ05/01/index.htm) and Gallery 30 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/ls/stream/templ05/30/index.htm).

Welcome to promote!

Good luck and more profits with MovieRevenue (http://MovieRevenue.com)!

[Optic]

Joke, as usual.


A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home. Johnny said, ''Yes.'' The salesman said, ''Well, can I see him please?'' Johnny snickered and said, ''No, he is in the shower.'' Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home. Johnny said, ''Yes.''

The salesman said, ''Well can I see her?'' Johnny snickered again and said, ''No, she's in the shower too.'' The salesman then asked, ''Do you think they will be out soon?'' Johnny laughed this time and said ''No.'' The salesman asked, ''Why?''

''Well'', Johnny said, ''when my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him some Super Glue.''


30 new galleries for Voyeur Real Time (http://voyeurrealtime.com) (feat. live voyeur cams).
Format - 10x10
Example - Gallery 26 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/vrt/tgp/templ03/26/index.htm/1).


60% (http://movierevenue.com/index.php#60) action is still in progress. Send us good traffic, earn more money and make your partner percent higher. Simplicity Is Genius. Hourragh!

Good luck and feel always free to contact me over team@movierevenue.com or icq 135-642-089!

[Optic]

Fat joke.

A man walks in to the country store and asks the clerk for a package of condoms. The clerk asks "what size are you?" "I dunno" replies the man. Well the clerk tells him to go out back where there is a plywood fence with numbered holes in it. He is told to stick it in various holes to determine his size. Well, this big 'ol fat girl sees the man heading out back and runs around behind the fence. As soon as the man sticks it thru the hole, the fat girl picks up her moo-moo and backs up to the fence. A while later the man returns and the clerk asks him "Well, what size will it be?" "Forget the rubbers," the man replies, "I'll just take 3 sheets of that plywood!"

30 new galleries for XXX Fatty Movies (http://a1.xxxfattymovies.com).
Format - 10x10
Example - Gallery 7 (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/xfm/tgp/templ09/07/index.htm/1).

Good luck and have a great day!

[Optic]

Joke as usual.

It was a average day in Bobby's first grade class. Around 11:00 he had to go to the bathroom, so he raised his hand and ask the teacher. The teacher noticed this pattern and asked him a question " Bobby, if you want to go to the restroom, you have to recite the A-B-C's" Bobby being a below average student slowly recited
"a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z"

The teacher noticed that he was missing a letter so the teacher replied "Umm..Bobby, what happen to the p?" Bobby replied "Oh, I'm sorry Ms.Swanson, but its runnung down my leg.



New Free Hosted Galleries for Voyeur Real Time (http://voyeurrealtime.com)
Format - 3 movies 20 seconds long.
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Lots of hidden cam video (bathroom, outdoor, spy) and exclusive live voyeur cams - that's what can your surfers find at Voyeur Real Time (http://voyeurrealtime.com).

Welcome to promote and good luck!

[Optic]

Dildo joke.

A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?", asked the Mum

"Mum, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married so this is pretty much my husband.". The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.

The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator.

"What are you doing?", He asked. His daughter replied, " I already told Mum. I am 40 years old and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll get to getting a husband." The father walked out of the room.

The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand, the vibrator in the other, watching the footy.

"What are you doing?" she cried. "What does it look like?", shouted the Dad. "I am having a drink and watching the game with my son-in-law!".



30 new Free hosted galleries for the 2nd tour of Big Toy Movies (http://a1.bigtoymovies.com).

3 movies, 20 seconds each. Click here for an example (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/btm/big/templ09/01/index.htm).


Have a great day, enjoy your time with your families and good luck!

[Optic]

Drinks for Free?

One night these two men wanted to go out for drinks, but they didn't have any money. so the first man said, "No problem. I have an idea"
So the two proceeded to the closest bar and ordered their drinks. the second man asks, "Now what's your plan?"
The first man said, "I'm gonna put this hot dog down my pants and then you unzip me and suck the hot dog. then the two would for sure be thrown out of the bar."
The second man was unsure but agreed. as soon as the bill came he dropped to his knees and began to suck. His plan worked. the two were quickly thrown out of the bar. they proceeded to do this in bars all over town without ever having to pay.
Finally the second man said, "Man, I'm drunk enough. That was a good plan."
The first man said yea but I lost the hot dog three doors back.."



Absolutely for free you can start using our new promo-tool - Free Hosted Sites.

We plan to make no more than three sites with same layout, but each one with unique color design and movie content.

List of FHS with corresponding pay sites follows.


Big Toy Movies (http://bigtoymovies.com)

--- Handling giant dildo (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/btm/fhs/handling-giant-dildo/index.html/1)
--- Rubber dong works (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/btm/fhs/rubber-dong-works/index.html/1)
--- Satisfactory plastic (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/btm/fhs/satisfactory-plastic/index.html/1)


Lesbian Screen (http://lesbianscreen.com)

--- Girls bath together (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/ls/fhs/busty-dykes-petting/index.html/1)
--- Busty dykes petting (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/ls/fhs/girls-bath-together/index.html/1)
--- Shaven pussy trembles (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/ls/fhs/shaven-pussy-trembles/index.html/1)


Voyeur Real Time (http://voyeurrealtime.com)

--- Lovely princess naked (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/vrt/fhs/lovely-princess-naked/index.html/1)
--- Nymph showering (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/vrt/fhs/nymph-showering/index.html/1)
--- Wench undresses (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/aff=700/vrt/fhs/wench-undresses/index.html/1)



As we never used Free Hosted Sites before I would kindly ask you to share your opinions and inform me on possible mistakes. Thank you in advance.



The second good news is that text descriptions for the last 600 galleries are ready (in two formats as usual).

I also think about making hosting thumbs for each FHG, but I'm not sure what image size to choose. If you have any ideas, plase share or write me on team@movierevenue.com.



Good luck and have a great day!


WBR,

Onan Optic,
MovieRevenue manager.

[Optic]

Poor Old Lady

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!".



New galleries for Mature Porn Clips (http://a1.maturepornclips.com).
3 movies x 20 seconds. Links for Second Tour (http://a1.maturepornclips.com).
Sample Gallery (http://movies.allmoviegalleries.com/?aff=700/mpc/big/templ07/22/index.htm).


Welcome to promote and have a great day!

I have also added 3 new Free Hosted Sites for Mature Porn Clips (http://maturepornclips.com):

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Good luck!

[Optic]

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."


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The New Barbie Doll


A guy walks into the Toys R Us shop in downtown New York and says to the assistant, "Could you please show me your Barbie Dolls?"
She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have Fashion Barbie at $15.95, Vacation Barbie at $15.95, Housewife Barbie at $15.95, and Divorcee Barbie at $215.95!"
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why is Divorcee Barbie so much? She looks the same to me."
The assistant answers, "Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's etc.




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A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR".
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"


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Lesbian Joke.

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.

Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"

"Well... yes."

Still without looking up: "Does that mean lick women down below?"

Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped:
"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"




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An old woman saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.

For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.

For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.

The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"




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A farmer had 5 female pigs and times were getting tough, so he went to the country fair to sell his pigs. At the fair, he came across a farmer who had 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The two farmers lived 60 miles away from each other so they agreed to each drive 30 miles, and find a field to mate their pigs.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5:00 am., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had left, and drove the 30 miles. While the pigs were going at it, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they're pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not.
The next morning they were rolling in the mud so he hosed them down, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
The following morning, MUD again! This continued all week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife and said, "Honey, look outside the window and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither one," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon and one of them is beeping the horn!"



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10 Warning Signs That Your Net Girlfriend is a Freak



She sends you virtual flowers every hour on the hour...and then sends you an email every 5 minutes to ask if you got them.

You're 10 minutes late for a scheduled online meeting...and she sends you 5 emails demanding to know where you are and who you are with.

She tells you about all of her past net girlfriends...and tells you how you'll be different from them.

She asks about your ex-net girlfriends...and tells you what you will have to do differently this time.

You're telling her about the woman who broke your heart...and she asks "Do you think she's still single? Do you still have her phone number?"

She starts calling you at home just to tell you that she's online...but she refuses to tell you how she got your phone number.

She starts planning your online wedding the day after you meet.

She asks for your mother's email address...so she can ask her for your virtual hand in cyber union.

She emails your mother....and stops emailing you.

She invites you to be the maid-of-honor at their cyber wedding.

-----------------------

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A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'



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Jim and his best friend Bob were talking late one night at one of the local bars. Jim turned to his friend, and asked "How do you manage to stay out late every night, and never have your wife get mad?"

"Well Jim, there's a trick to it. When I get home, I slip quietly into the house, sneak quietly up the stairs and into the bedroom. Then I get quietly into bed, take my wife's panties off, and give her oral sex until she has an explosive orgasm and passes out."

"Oh, wow Bob, that sounds easy enough. I'm going to try that tonight."

That night Jim did just as Bob said. He crept quietly into the house, up the stairs, and quietly into bed. He carefully pulled his wife's panties off, and gave her the best oral sex she ever had! She had an explosive orgasm and fell into a deep sleep.

"Wow, it really worked!" He thought to himself. He then decided he should go into the bathroom to clean his hands off. When he opened the door, there stood his wife.

"What the heck are you doing in here? Why aren't you in bed sleeping?" He asked her.

"Well honey, my mother came for a surprise visit, so I let her have our room. We have to sleep in the spare room........


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Reasons a Vibrator is Better Than a Man

A vibrators only function is to please you.
They don't watch televised sports when you want to talk.
They don't talk when you want to watch a movie on TV.
You'll never have to put your vibrator in your mouth.
Vibrators never pick their nose in bed.
Vibrators move.
Vibrators find all the right spots.
Vibrators don't do household chores--- but you don't care.
A vibrator never leaves you or flirts with your friends.
Vibrators never make a mess.
You never worry about where your vibrator has been before.
A vibrator will never call out someone else's name when it is with you.
A vibrator will never ask you to bring it a beer.
Even if your vibrator is working overtime, you know exactly where it is.
A vibrator is easy to turn on and off.
You can spend hours in a bar with your vibrator, and it will still be able to perform when you get it home.
A vibrator doesn't care how long it takes to satisfy you.
Your mother will never ask what your vibrator does for a living.
A vibrator won't get pissed of when dinner isn't cooked.
Vibrators can't get you pregnant, give you a disease, or make you watch auto racing.
Vibrators take up very little room on the bed.
Vibrators never bother you when you want to sleep.
Vibrators never compare size with other vibrators.
You'll never have to share your vibrator with another woman.
Your vibrator doesn't mind if you forget to shave.
Vibrators never fart in bed.
A vibrator won't turn off before you finish.
It is ok to have more than one vibrator in bed with you at a time.
If you have a headache or your period, you won't find a vibrator turned on when you get into bed.
Vibrators are ALWAYS hard.



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