Some genie jokes for ya!

[cool1]

First one

Government Worker's Three Wishes

A bored government employee decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides and takes it home with him. While he's polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes.

"I wish for a ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish, "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside."

Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish, "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

And, Poof!, he's back in his government office again.

[cool1]

Man goes into a bar

A man goes into a bar. On his shoulders, a beautiful parrot on the left and a grey cat on the right. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and leave.

The next day, the threesome go into the bar again. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and leave. The third day, the threesome go into the bar again. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and go to leave. "Hang on a moment," says the barman, "how did you get those two?"

"Well, I was shipwrecked on a desert island, and one day I found an old lamp on the beach. I rubbed it, and a genie popped out! He granted me three wishes."

"What did you ask for?"

"First I asked to be transported back home"

"Second I asked to be made wealthy"

"Third, I asked for an exotic bird with a tight pussy, but this wasn't what I had in mind..."

[cool1]

A short one

Mother in law

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

[Evil Chris]

Originally posted by cool1
Man goes into a bar

A man goes into a bar. On his shoulders, a beautiful parrot on the left and a grey cat on the right. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and leave.

The next day, the threesome go into the bar again. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and leave. The third day, the threesome go into the bar again. "Yes Sir?" says the barman, "what can I get you?" "Pint of lager for me, gin and tonic for the parrot, and Baileys for the cat". "Coming up, that'll be 4.60". At which the cat mutters "I'm not paying,I'm not paying,I'm not paying." The man pays, they drink up and go to leave. "Hang on a moment," says the barman, "how did you get those two?"

"Well, I was shipwrecked on a desert island, and one day I found an old lamp on the beach. I rubbed it, and a genie popped out! He granted me three wishes."

"What did you ask for?"

"First I asked to be transported back home"

"Second I asked to be made wealthy"

"Third, I asked for an exotic bird with a tight pussy, but this wasn't what I had in mind..." :rolleyes: :nuts: :doh:

[cool1]

One wish
A man finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops the Genie.

"Whats your wish?"

"I want a dick that touches the ground"

- so the genie cut his legs off.

[cool1]

Old woman, genie and the cat
An old woman saved a Genie's life. To repy this the Genie promised to grant the old woman three wishes.

For the first wish the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.

For the second wish the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. "Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.

For the last wish she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. Afterall, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Genie turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.

The old lady and the Genie said their goodbyes.

After the Genie left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and said, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutured?"

[cool1]

A Guy with a really small head...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a man sitting at the end with the smallest head he's ever seen. In fact, it is only about two inches high. So, he sits down next to him and asks, "How is that you have such a small head?"

The man replies, "Well you see, I was stranded on a deserted island and was combing the beach, when I came across an ornate bottle. When I opened it to see what was inside, a beautiful genie appeared and told me that I would be granted three wishes.

My first wish was for a luxurious boat to take me home."

poof

The man continues, "A large yacht appeared just off shore. Then for my second wish, I asked to be wealthy, so I would want for nothing when I got home."

poof

The man goes on, "After a large pile of gold coins appeared on the deck of the yacht, I asked to make passionate love to the genie for my third wish. The genie told me that she could not do that, so I asked, 'How about a little head?'"

[cool1]

Monica Lewinsky Gets her Wish

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.

"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."

"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.

Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."

Poof! And just like that......her ears were gone

[Evil Chris]

bwahaha... that one wasn't too bad at all....

How about this one? ;)

Benny Shapiro worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He used to tell his friends that he was the curator, although his primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Low and behold, an enormous Genie appeared before him.

"Master," the Genie began, "I am the Genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49% of the total Microsoft stock which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and low and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the Genie's warning faded.

Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

[cool1]

LOL that was a good one. :D

[Mister X]

Originally posted by Evil Chris
bwahaha... that one wasn't too bad at all....

How about this one? ;)

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned. Evil Kris says: Puns are VERY Evil. :cackle: