View Full Version : Dirty Limericks!
Evil Chris
03-14-2006, 11:53 PM
All right it's almost St-Patrick's Day... and I figured why not post a few dirty limericks to mark the occasion?
I don't care if you've Googled them or know them by heart... just share them here! The dirtier the better! :D
Here's one....
There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue.
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it too! :bonk:
Evil Chris
03-15-2006, 12:01 AM
"I told you", said Dick to Louise,
"Not to wash for a month, if you please.
I prefer hanky panky
With you when you're manky
And smelling of over-ripe cheese."
.....
She farted a deafening earful
And gave me (I guess) a whole rearful
While giving her head.
It invaded the bed
With a pungency horribly fearful.
war_ner
03-17-2006, 12:58 AM
Hi Chris!
There once was a man named Bob
He loved to show off his nob
He flashed it at Dave
And rubbed it on Jay
Who sucked it like corn on the cob
war_ner
03-17-2006, 12:59 AM
Another one.. :D
There once was a vampire named Mabel,
who's period was notoriously stable
So one night in June
she sat with a spoon
and drank herself under the table
Evil Chris
03-17-2006, 09:18 AM
Here's one most of you have probably heard before...
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
While wiping his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!
Nickatilynx
03-17-2006, 10:37 AM
A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"
MorganGrayson
03-17-2006, 12:20 PM
Originally posted by Nickatilynx
A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"
Next class, students, we shall discuss "meter," or the lack thereof.... :)
MorganGrayson
03-17-2006, 12:23 PM
Insomnia being what it is, and poets being what they are, when I was young I killed a couple of nights when I couldn't sleep by writing 50 dirty limericks...none of which I will reproduce here, as they are in one of the many moving boxes marked "manuscripts" and I don't intend to look for them. They scanned, though, no matter how occasionally feeble they may have been obscenity-wise. :)
Chris...thanks for the "Nantucket" one. For some reason, I *always* blank on that one...and it comes up in my life more often than I can explain.
Funbrunette
03-17-2006, 12:23 PM
Originally posted by Nickatilynx
A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"
ROFL!!!!!!! :laughout:
Evil Chris
03-17-2006, 01:29 PM
You know.... Nick rhymes with a lot of things too!!!
Evil Chris
03-17-2006, 01:38 PM
At his computer sat Nick,
His hand... full of his dick,
But "full" is in this case quite relative,
And not to be overtly offensive,
His hand is the size of a tooth pick.
:)
There once was a man from Kent
Who's cock was so long it was bent
To stay out of trouble,
he stuck it in double
And instead of cumming he went.
There once was a fellow from Ealing
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout,
he'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drips from the ceiling.
There once was a whore named Maureen
Who's cunt was not kept very clean
The semen dripped out,
of her smelly old spout
Which she wiped up and ate with Saltines™
There once was a Rabbi from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vay!
"If you keep on this way
"The Messiah will come before you!!"
There once was a guy from Old Port
Who's prick was remarkably short
As he climbed into bed,
his lady friend said
"That isn't a prick - its a WART!"
There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection,
he'd play a selection
From Johann Sebastien Bach
There once was a woman named Betty
Who's cunt hairs stuck together like Spaghetti
She was dripping in sleaze,
well past her knees
You had to part her legs with a Machete!
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