Your spouse and porn...

[Virgule3]

Ok, so my boyfriend really isn't happy about the fact that I am involved in the porn business. I have been indirectly involved since way before he and I met and I told him right off the bat what I did (mostly photography and some web design) and it was okay with him.

Now, I want to get more involved, and he's not happy about it.

Has anyone ever been in the same position? What did you do? How did you deal with it?

ophie.

[xxxmalouxxx]

he's such a kill joy...lol

[Sin]

What do you mean exactly by "more involved" ?

[Paul Markham]

Eva hates it when I want to shoot, she's keeping me away from the naked girls.

Not that she's jealous, she just wants them for herself. :blush:

[Virgule3]

Originally posted by Sin
What do you mean exactly by "more involved" ?

My friend who has a big web site (Angeliquexxx.com) has tons of cool projects and I'd like to help, I want to start shooting more, I want to start promoting web sites, stuff like that.

I'm not planning on becoming a model, my god, no! lol! I doubt people wanna see me nekkid! lol! I'm pretty but I'm overweight, but I love the adult world and wanna start going to more shows, meet people, shoot, etc...

And the boyfriend isn't happy...

Sophie.

[gnat69]

I have no problems at all, he is a professional drummer and the fact that I can let people all over the world know about the bands he plays in for a little more exposure sure does help.....plus other than the fact he knows it is a job and not mu life....:)

[TheEnforcer]

Depends on how you feel about the boyfriend. If this is what you truly want to do and it's gonna cause problems dump him and start looking for another. Unless he's somebody you can't stand to lose and want to WILLINGLYand with no reservations change your life because of, then he's not worth the effort if you aren't sure he isn't goinna be whining about your job all the time.Cause if he keeps whining you'll have to choose sooner or later. better to choose now rather than later.

[BruceMiller]

You know, Angelique has had to work through that a few times, I think you have a great source of information there with her. Maybe bring him along, or get him envolved?

[TheLegacy]

this really comes down to priorities - if you want to make your own mark in life - your own money - then someone else giving you restrictions is wrong. If the two of you were about to get married then I would suggest having a discussion and make sure the boundaries are laid out - and make sure there is openness.

Outside of that - dont count on any relationship as being forever - who's to say that in a year your not with them and in the meantime you have screwed up your chances to really make some serious cash?

My wife is similar to you - she has her website design company and just recently started her own website - http://www.justsokinky.com - it was something she wanted to do and even though I had some reservations I had to allow her to find her own path.

[Panky]

Maybe he just needs to understand more of what it is you're interested in doing? People have their own ideas of what the porn industry is all about and their own values. Maybe if he was exposed to it more to get a better understanding and then work things from there. Talk, but also listen to each other. Depending on how the relationship is, what you both want from each other and life and all that, then you can make the decisions you need to make from that point forward. If it's an insecurity issue with him, don't let his issues prevent you from doing what you want/need to do.

[Jimmidean]

As we are both involved I have never had the problem you face other then from friends and neigbors etc.

[GoodChris]

If it's going to cause a riff in your relationship, your only decision to make is whether you want to breakup now or later.

[Vid Vicious]

Bussiness comes first for me .. and i've ended many relationships because of it ...

Half ass or full ass ... That's your choice, it's all or nothing at all

IMHO

[MorganGrayson]

Sophie...first off, I've been very happily married for over 26 years. I mention that to let you know I have a few solid opinions on things.

Once a long time ago, my husband and I were both on the PTA Council of our girl's school. I had done the Halloween Carnival, a huge project that exhausted me and nearly put me in the hospital.

The PTA president made the mistake of saying "your husband probably won't let you do it again."

My husband shoved the table hard and slid his chair back. They looked at him and said "what are you doing?" He said "getting out of the way of the explosion."

LET ME? LET ME?!?!?!?!?

On to porn.

I've done phone sex, which is actual contact with other humans, even if it is over the phone. As I genuinely like people, and genuinely like men, I was quite fond of a lot of my regulars. I'd come out from a call and tell my husband "that was the guy who loves historical novels" or "that was the odd guy who could cum 7 times" or whatever. He'd smile, the - and this is important - the SAME WAY I'd smile whenever he'd mention any of the people that wandered through his work life.

You see, my options for earning potential are pretty limited. I have multiple disabilities and do the best I can with what I have. What my husband is - is proud of me. He's proud that I try. He's proud that I bring in money. Does he give a shit that what I do is porn? Nope.

If I told my husband that I wanted to shoot male nude content, what I'd get is advice from a former professional photographer, which he was in his youth. Would he be jealous? Not at his age. He's pretty much locked down on the concept that HE is the one I want and the ONLY one I want.

We both know the neighbors can't know what I do. (I have lovely riffs on my blog about the neighborhood, but I'm a writer and made all that up.) I'm not in the slightest ashamed of what I do and neither is he, but we know what the world is like and deal accordingly.

A coworker once asked him what his webmaster wife (we tell that much) used to make her sites and he offhandedly remarked "nothing, she hand codes." The guy dropped his voice to a reverent hush and said "she HAND CODES? Wow."

Writing makes me healthier. It doesn't matter *what* I write, as long as I'm writing. He knows that. He loves to read porn, so he reads my stories as well as a lot of others.

Sophie, you've gotten some harsh advice in this thread and sadly, it's all correct. GoodChris put it in a simple sentence. Boyfriends who are jealous of jobs tend to be jealous of jobs. If you weren't doing this, you'd most likely be catching it over "spending too much time" over whatever you were doing. You'd come home with something funny the guy at the next desk said...and he'd give you that look and you'd know he was wondering about you and the guy at the next desk.

I had a psycho ex when I was young who accused me of having an affair with a male friend.

My male friend was gay.

[StaceyJo]

Then you have to let him know that this is only work and nothing else... if you are mean to him, I guess he must accept everything you do...