Double Standard? YOU decide!

[Funbrunette]

This guy works in porn right and he meets this girl (she's not in the biz when they first meet) eventually she gets in on the marketing side and becomes quite good at it. Then she gets bored and decides she wants to have her own site a burlesque site (think Dita Von Teese) no nudity, nothing vulgar just something she's always wanted to do. Mean while she's got VERY sexy pictures of herself on her myspace that HE took and knows are there, but when she takes the step to hire a photographer and get going with the projects he's very unhappy?!? Am I missing something here?

You want drama HERE IT IS DAMNIT!

I'm 31 and I've ALWAYS gotten my way when I set my heart on something just try and stop me now!!!!!!!!

http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v107/OoICEoO/dita.jpg

[TheLegacy]

well this is going to be interesting. dont ask me to get in the middle of a dispute

[Stephane76]

SIG SPOT !!!!!!!!!

[Rochard]

"Oh you look like a movie star... with your face down on the bar....."

I'd hit it.

Is it a double standard? I believe it is. In this case the "husband" has no problems pushing porn or perhaps even shooting it, but when it comes to his wife the answer is no.

That's too bad really.

[TheLegacy]

does hiring a photographer really matter all that much? the joy of sites is that alot of members prefer to NOT have such professional pictures taken. and since he is in the industry, he also would have a good eye as to what is good and not. this isn't worth the relationship and could ultimately curse you for years down the road.

start off by letting him take the pictures etc. then in time - if he doesn't improve, he may suggest a photographer he knows - or simply start going to classes. as much as this might upset you - this is the point in a relationship where one will becomes stronger than the other, and feelings get hurt... as does trust. give him time to adjust to your decision - and ask yourself - is it that important that it may upset and ruin a wonderful relationship?

[Visualad]

Is this story about you or what?

[Visualad]

you want to do the fabia for the camera? showing ze hairy pussy? ze nipplez too? tell daddy..

[Ronaldo]

The woman should listen to the man. End of story.

[SykkBoy]

double standard

[TheEnforcer]

I plead the 5th. :shh:

[Platinum Chris]

There needs to be a popcorn smiley available for drama threads such as these.

[GoodChris]

I don't consider it a double standard.

Had he met a girl that was already in the business with a site and then asked her to stop doing it, then I would consider that a double standard however this does not appear to be the case.

[Evil Chris]

My nemesis Good Chris does have a point.

But I say live and let live. If it feels good then just do it! ;)

[Cyndalie]

Seems you should know enough good photographers in the business to trust to work with and display your loved one in her best light. Utilize your resources and work together. Before you objectify your own beauty understand that your man, while proud of you, may feel insecure about sharing you with 'just anyone' and especially 'everyone'. A few sexy pics shared with friends is a long way away from commercializing your own hotness for the oggling and enjoyment of everyone.

Be it as it may, sharing in confidence and security and watching your woman glow takes an ounce of bravery and a pound of trust. She is yours, a camera, an audience, an outfit or lack of one, won't change that. Hold her down, she'll fight to be free. Set her free and she wont go far without you by her side.

[GoodChris]

Being in front of the camera and behind the camera are 2 very different things.

[Jimmidean]

Sitting quietly on the sidelines with this one.

[kaimai]

Ok I am confused here??? I thought the dude was going to be Evil Chris but it appears to be someone else??

Not the little fella is it?

[Sarah_MaxCash]

never fight via the boards

[Funbrunette]

never fight via the boards


Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. :laughout: Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

[Visualad]

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. :laughout: Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

now.. was that such a hard thing to say?

you had ppl guessing who the man was.. ;-) haha.

cmon chris.. Let the girl do what she wants.. Burlesque doesnt sound nasty in anyway.. :-)

[TheLegacy]

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. :laughout: Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

I think that I have a unique perspective on this since as you know shedevil my wife has her own site

It did take alot for me to come to terms with it - the whole idea of her professional life may be affected etc etc.

Here is what the net out is:

for the guy

- you have to realize that your wife is not doing it for any other reason other than to feel beautiful about herself and at times to earn a wee bit of money. NO your not loosing your control or 'word' when you compliment her, just women at times need to hear it from others... and seeing yourself up in lights really helps the ego and self confidence.

- trust is really put to the test here. Why shes doing it doesn't seem to register to you because most men don't have the same self opinion - but believe me, she isn't fooling around nor will accept advances from anyone else.

- there are times that women will merely fight just to see how far you will let them go. the minute she feels fenced in - she is going to fight. give her the space she needs to let this out, or she will feel that you held her back for years and that will put a wedge between you.

- finally, and take it from someone who has a wife as well that everyone is all over at conventions and icq's etc., lighten up on the strings. Trust her that she isn't going to do anything to demean you or ruin the faith and trust you have put in her. I smile and watch shedevil been gropped and talked about knowing that she is coming home with me LOL... also she knows when to stop and knows when I can be upset.

for the woman

- when during the entire time you knew of men did you think that they gained to power to know what your thinking? or even more - your motives? Saying you want to do something he immediately puts himself into your shoes coming from a males perspective - which is wrong most of the time. case in point - whistling at women while driving (men thinks a woman is feeling, "please stop I so want you now") try to express exactly your vulnerabilities and set up ways for him to feel in control. You already know that to be a man - a man must feel respect and in control. take that away and you've taken the man away. disrespect him and he will start regretting every minute with you. Its a careful balance but it can be accomplished. Open up and explain to him exactly what your thinking - try to stop him from attempting to "fix" it as he will try and do. He can't fix emotions and self worth even though he may feel this is a silly attempt.

- men rarely trust men. although you may have pictures up on sites etc. there apparently is a line that was crossed that neither one of you talked about. reaching out to a photographer says to the man, "you aren't as good as another man". I know it sounds silly, but now there is competition and disrespect happening. Men are protective most of the time of their wifes... and especially in an adult industry - there is safety and confidence in having a beautiful woman by your side promoting him. You have now taken that focus off and started on yourself. As important as you may feel to have others admire you - he needs you to admire him.

women need attention and to feel better about themselves - even if they get it from home all the time. the idea is, "well you do of course your my husband".. but its part of their sexual makeup. Men not as much - they need to feel respect, trust and honored by their wife. take that away and you take away the man. try and find a tender balance.

nothing, and I mean nothing including a website is more important than a marriage and the love - faith and trust between the two. Smear it and it will have a ripple effect for years to come.

I love my wife - deeply. Enough to let her go free and try her website. Yes we have certain limits - most which she hates with a passion, but she is respectful enough not to push the boundaries that will ultimately affect how we love one another in day to day life. I on the other hand try and understand that although she loves me and needs me - she will need the attention that most women require to feel desirable. Who am I to stop that process? There has to be a mutual respect, trust in all things, and at times it means sacrifice on both parts to come to a happy compromise.

Good luck

[Janell]

The woman should listen to the man. End of story.

So they can get bad advice? Umm no thanks.

[She Devil]

Double Standard. period.

But then you are stuck in a very similar situation as I am. My hubby has hesidently said 'ok' to some things with many arguements about it. I think it's a double standard because if the guys really wanted to do something I believe we'd be jealous but more open to explore it.

I don't believe humans are monogamous. There are so many things you could explore if you let yourself. Some can be with just one person and that's great, but for the majority we crave more.

There are many things I want to do that I 'can't' do and I do hold a huge resentment because of that, and know parts of me will never be satisfied while I am in this relationship. I know he's trying to 'protect' me for his many reasons (which I don't belittle), but I don't need his protecting I need his support. Many of you have probably heard me say 'my hubby won't let me' when responding to certain things and that's because as much as I'd love to I need to make this relationship work before anything else.

Sometimes I wish my hubby and I was never in the adult industry to be frank. For me the industry shows me things I'd love to do and explore. For him he seems to become more protective of me. Needless to say it's the same whereas he was in the industry while I was not when we met, so go figure.

Really priorities need to be set in order. Realise what is the most important and realise some tough decisions sometimes need to be made. Either way there are many outcomes. Either she's going to do it with him. She's going to do it without him. She won't do it and resent him for it.

[Janell]

Marriage is full of sacrifices. There are boundaries in a commitment both collectively and individually. Stepping outside those boundaries have consequences some maybe good and others not so much. I guess it's a matter of deciding if you want to live with the consequences.

[Ronaldo]

So they can get bad advice? Umm no thanks.
Know your role woman. Know your role.

[Janell]

Know your role woman. Know your role.
I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

[Ronaldo]

I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!
Sadly, for many men this is the case. Further proof that woman have it too good today and yet STILL whine their asses off.

[Janell]

Ronaldo I won't whine Im way too Bossy for that~

[Ronaldo]

Ronaldo I won't whine Im way too Bossy for that~
You're whining to me on icq RIGHT NOW!

[Janell]

You're whining to me on icq RIGHT NOW!
I'm not whining I'm giving it to you straight... it's just too much truth to handle. lol

[Funbrunette]

Marriage is full of sacrifices. There are boundaries in a commitment both collectively and individually. Stepping outside those boundaries have consequences some maybe good and others not so much. I guess it's a matter of deciding if you want to live with the consequences.

I think if a marriage can't last through such a little "hump" then it's not meant to be. I can't think of anyone I know that is married that doesn't have issues once in a while. Now I'm not talking about MY marriage I'm talking generally.

Legacy you nailed it!

[Platinum Chris]

Hrm... marriage. Yet another reason for me not to get hitched.

Hope my woman doesn't find this thread

:scram:

[kaimai]

Hrm... marriage. Yet another reason for me not to get hitched.

Hope my woman doesn't find this thread

:scram:

Sending her the link now :laughout:

[SilvercashJeanette]

I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

:laughout: Awesome!

[student4ever]

I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

:laughout: :laughout: :laughout:

[12clicks]

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. :laughout: Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

I'm too young to have seen burlesque in its hay day so I'll just come out and ask.
any cock in burlesque?

[Funbrunette]

I'm too young to have seen burlesque in its hay day so I'll just come out and ask.
any cock in burlesque?

*Imagining Chris in a tight Corset* Yup there could be cock...lol :laughout:

[Evil Chris]

pink thongs and corsets oh my :)

[Janell]

I think if a marriage can't last through such a little "hump" then it's not meant to be. I can't think of anyone I know that is married that doesn't have issues once in a while. Now I'm not talking about MY marriage I'm talking generally.

Legacy you nailed it!
Yup just some humps are speedbumps and some are mountains.

[Janell]

pink thongs and corsets oh my :)
You're gonna teach us how to Jane Fonda! whoo hooo.

[12clicks]

*Imagining Chris in a tight Corset* Yup there could be cock...lol :laughout:

my pants just jumped.

[Feynman]

Being in front of the camera and behind the camera are 2 very different things.


Faceciousness aside, that's an overly understated truth, if there was ever one...

[Vid Vicious]

I'd be interested to see you fit into that correst ... :)


Err I disagee Legacy ... a burlesque/pin up site wouldn't be one with amateur photography !

http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o74/Viciousphoto/jamie.jpg
http://i117.photobucket.com/albums/o74/Viciousphoto/DSC_2276.jpg

[Cold_ice]

FB your a very beautiful woman so I really can't blame EC for not wanting to share you with anyone. To show you off at a club is one thing but to share you with the world I would never be able to do that so I'm with EC on this one.

But if you do get your way let me know I'll be your first customer:D

[Funbrunette]

FB your a very beautiful woman so I really can't blame EC for not wanting to share you with anyone. To show you off at a club is one thing but to share you with the world I would never be able to do that so I'm with EC on this one.

But if you do get your way let me know I'll be your first customer:D

I should kick you in the butt...lol As I tried to explain numerous times it's a burlesque, pin-up style site NO NUDITY! Look above at Vid's pictures they're fun and there's nothing wrong with that. I would even be proud to show my site to my own father...lol So It would be clean good fun!

But don't worry I'll send you the naughty pictures...lol

[TheLegacy]

well if vid is the photographer, then I think any husband would be okay LOL.

honestly, vid is the only one I would trust to take nude pics of my wife if we got to that point... and believe me, that takes alot to say and admit on my part

[Panky]

For a minute there, this thread took a slightly odd turn, but it is good to see it back on track.

[Magnus3x]

Betty Page makes me warm and tingly.

[Funbrunette]

Betty Page makes me warm and tingly.

See, and she's not naked!

[Feynman]

See, and she's not naked!

No, but she's also 84 ! Who would want to jump her bones?

As for the choice of photographer, from the standpoint of the insecure husband, there are two choices:

Either one that is a gentleman extraordinaire,

or one what is exceedingly ugly. :laughout:

D. Feynman

[Feynman]

FB, who did your make-up in Vid's pics?

It's good, btw...

[She Devil]

I don't understand why it's such a huge deal. There's not really that much 'sharing'.

I think you both should go out and find a photographer you can trust and enjoy to work with. This should be fun for both of you.

FB he's going to be a pain in the ass either way. Men have a hard enough time when a woman makes her own money. They have this desire to feel needed and that they can support you. Why they feel that people paying for your pictures is sharing I don't know.

Chris you can either fight her about this or sit down and realise this is nothing against you. You will see how happy she is being in this harmless spotlight. You should enjoy alloying her to make herself happy while being safe. Also keep in mind there's a large chance she will be happier because the camera will make her 'feel' sexy thus the less work you will have to do to get some something something.

[Vid Vicious]

well if vid is the photographer, then I think any husband would be okay LOL.

honestly, vid is the only one I would trust to take nude pics of my wife if we got to that point... and believe me, that takes alot to say and admit on my part

thanks Robert ... Gee I guess it's abotu time we show you those Bourdoir pics we did last summer ... LOL


Can I make a suggestion here ... ?

if Chris feels uncomfortable with this, then don't do it. If he needs some convincing .. then get on your knees and put on some lipstick, LOL

Seriously .. if he felt uncomfortable in anyway I wouldn't shoot you. we've been thru this before Steph, about 4 or 5 years ago ... I said the same thng then as I say today ... I'd be more then happy to shoot this for yah ... but only if your both comfortable and in agreement about this.


With that said .. Maybe a trail shoot would be inorder .. A correst or Pin up dress .. With both of you (i know that Chris has some corrests in that closet of his) .. LOL ... Something to make you both feel better ...

Oh and on the Betty Page thing .. Umm she's Stark NAKED in her top pin up and Glamour stuff .. it's her fetish stuff that she stayed dress for.

And err .. Nobody said anythign about Ms Page the 83 year old born again christian .. Err nobody but Feynman ... which leads me to my next question .. What the hell you been doing all this time, Feynman? your last posts got me worried ... LOL

[Vid Vicious]

Lastly if you have a problem with nudity .. FIND ANOTHER JOB!

[Quagmire]

I've said it to FB before and I'll say it here. She has that 'look' on her face when she's striking those poses and it makes it hot without any need for nudity.

I wouldn't have any issues with my wife doing something like that, but like anything else on the net, she'd have to be prepared for the nasty comments that come along with all the good ones. Heartbreak from hurt feelings carries over in to a marriage even if they were not caused by the other partner.

[Funbrunette]

FB, who did your make-up in Vid's pics?

It's good, btw...


Wouldn't know, that's not me, but you can see me at http://www.myspace.com/funbrunette55

[Visualad]

Really priorities need to be set in order. Realise what is the most important and realise some tough decisions sometimes need to be made. Either way there are many outcomes. Either she's going to do it with him. She's going to do it without him. She won't do it and resent him for it.

Well said. This part really sums it all up.

[student4ever]

Ok, I've stayed out of this one so far... lots of interesting comments on both sides of the topic. I'm going to have to say, it's a double standard without a doubt.

FB, there is no doubt that you are a very beautiful woman. EC, IMHO you are very lucky to have such an independent and strong woman at your side. As for the site, it's non-nude. All lookie and no touchie. EC, I'm sure where ever the two of you go, there are guys checking FB out and having their own private fantasies. Life with a beautiful woman - just the way it is. Of course, I've nearly decked a couple guys for crossing the lookie versus touchie line with my wife...

Although I have not had to deal with the issue myself, I would like to think that I would be happy with the concept that although others get to look and fantasize, I'm the one she goes home to. I might want to be present at the photo shoot though... LOL

[Funbrunette]

Ok, I've stayed out of this one so far... lots of interesting comments on both sides of the topic. I'm going to have to say, it's a double standard without a doubt.

FB, there is no doubt that you are a very beautiful woman. EC, IMHO you are very lucky to have such an independent and strong woman at your side. As for the site, it's non-nude. All lookie and no touchie. EC, I'm sure where ever the two of you go, there are guys checking FB out and having their own private fantasies. Life with a beautiful woman - just the way it is. Of course, I've nearly decked a couple guys for crossing the lookie versus touchie line with my wife...

Although I have not had to deal with the issue myself, I would like to think that I would be happy with the concept that although others get to look and fantasize, I'm the one she goes home to. I might want to be present at the photo shoot though... LOL

Thanks, you guys ALL bring interesting points.

[Funbrunette]

I don't understand why it's such a huge deal. There's not really that much 'sharing'.

I think you both should go out and find a photographer you can trust and enjoy to work with. This should be fun for both of you.

FB he's going to be a pain in the ass either way. Men have a hard enough time when a woman makes her own money. They have this desire to feel needed and that they can support you. Why they feel that people paying for your pictures is sharing I don't know.

Chris you can either fight her about this or sit down and realise this is nothing against you. You will see how happy she is being in this harmless spotlight. You should enjoy alloying her to make herself happy while being safe. Also keep in mind there's a large chance she will be happier because the camera will make her 'feel' sexy thus the less work you will have to do to get some something something.


SheDevil I haven't informed Chris of my desire to have sex with you in one of my photoshoots....lol NO WAY! That's something I'd keep to MYSELF! :)

[student4ever]

SheDevil I haven't informed Chris of my desire to have sex with you in one of my photoshoots....lol NO WAY! That's something I'd keep to MYSELF! :)

I'd like to start the bidding on that photo set! :laughout:

[TheLegacy]

SheDevil I haven't informed Chris of my desire to have sex with you in one of my photoshoots....lol NO WAY! That's something I'd keep to MYSELF! :)

oh - so this is what chopped liver feels like

http://atartec.co.il/atarchef/wp-images/liver.jpg

[She Devil]

SheDevil I haven't informed Chris of my desire to have sex with you in one of my photoshoots....lol NO WAY! That's something I'd keep to MYSELF! :)

Someone distract our boys, we need to go get naughty :angel:

[GoodChris]

In the end, one must weigh what is more important to them. There are pro's and con's to every scenario.

If this could cost you someone that you love and it is not as important as doing the latter, then do it. On the other hand, ...well, figure it out. Life is all about choices.

[Terrence]

Funbrunette is a beautiful woman and I understand how Evil Chris may feel but sounds like what she wants to do is sexy nothing with nudity

You have a gorgeous woman be proud to show her off to the world dude She is smart she will know her limits

It's FB's intelligence that always has me enjoying our long talks at shows the beauty is a bonus

Terrence