I (FINALLY) met someone! But, there is a but... :(

[Virgule3]

Yup!

I met a wonderful man recently... I just can't believe it. I find him absolutely gorgeous, he is tall, he's got gorgeous shoulder length black curly hair, he has beautiful dark mysterious eyes... He's extremely intelligent, funny, interesting, great education, the sexiest accent ever (he's not from here). He's amazing... And the best damn lover I ever had!!!

BUT... of course, there is a BUT... :(

His ex is C-R-A-Z-Y!

Sigh... It was too good to be true.

First of all, she broke him, she totally destroyed him, hurt him, brainwashed him into believing he's below average, not that intelligent, (the guy's an architecht for god's sake! He's far from stupid!!!), ordinary looking, etc...

Why do women do that to men?

Plus... They have a 3 1/2 year old son together and when they split up, he moved out, and since then, she has barely let him see his son during a year and a half (that's how long ago they split up) and he absolutely loves his baby and to be able to see him, the only thing he could do was move back in with her!!! (in separate bedrooms, but still)

Why does she do that you ask? Because he's from Algeria and she is convinced that he will kidnap their son and move back there! I understand the fear, it has happened before, but now, since Sept. 11 2001, one parent can't take a child out of the country without written permission of the other parent. Plus, it's not like him at all, I really doubt he would do that! He so doesn't want to hurt anyone.

So, as a result, we almost have to hide to see each other. Plus, he lives an hour from here so it makes things complicated.

But he spent the weekend here. It was amazing... I don't know when I'm going to see him again, I work a lot, he works a lot too... Weekends are often taken for either me or him...

Why does it have to be so complicated???

Thanks for "listening"... :)

Sophie.

[TheLegacy]

1) Get a family lawyer NOW!! and make sure he has custody or at least 50/50 custody so that she can't take off and he has legal recourse.

2) His past is your past now, bear with it - but in time he has to remove himself and get closure from his past relationship in order to give you his full heart. It's your choice now but you may have to deal with his shit for a while, and he has to know that he needs to focus only on his kids and work with the law and system to get them. Support him emotionally and mentally the rest will follow.

Trust me I have been there.

[the New Shemp]

Yup!

I met a wonderful man recently... I just can't believe it. I find him absolutely gorgeous, he is tall, he's got gorgeous shoulder length black curly hair, he has beautiful dark mysterious eyes... He's extremely intelligent, funny, interesting, great education, the sexiest accent ever (he's not from here). He's amazing... And the best damn lover I ever had!!!

BUT... of course, there is a BUT... :(

His ex is C-R-A-Z-Y!

Sigh... It was too good to be true.

First of all, she broke him, she totally destroyed him, hurt him, brainwashed him into believing he's below average, not that intelligent, (the guy's an architecht for god's sake! He's far from stupid!!!), ordinary looking, etc...

Why do women do that to men?

Plus... They have a 3 1/2 year old son together and when they split up, he moved out, and since then, she has barely let him see his son during a year and a half (that's how long ago they split up) and he absolutely loves his baby and to be able to see him, the only thing he could do was move back in with her!!! (in separate bedrooms, but still)

Why does she do that you ask? Because he's from Algeria and she is convinced that he will kidnap their son and move back there! I understand the fear, it has happened before, but now, since Sept. 11 2001, one parent can't take a child out of the country without written permission of the other parent. Plus, it's not like him at all, I really doubt he would do that! He so doesn't want to hurt anyone.

So, as a result, we almost have to hide to see each other. Plus, he lives an hour from here so it makes things complicated.

But he spent the weekend here. It was amazing... I don't know when I'm going to see him again, I work a lot, he works a lot too... Weekends are often taken for either me or him...

Why does it have to be so complicated???

Thanks for "listening"... :)

Sophie.

just to be on the safe side, you need to check this guy out...
he could be feeding you a lot of BS ...

[lace]

Run....run for your life!

Keep yourself away from the drama and you'll live a much better life. Plain and simple. They (him and his ex) both sound like they have a few screws loose. He should be fighting for his kid, regardless of how crazy she is so that he can have custody. And if they've been split up for a year and a half already, wtf is he waiting for?

[Evil Chris]

I'm going to say run also.

You do not need other people's problems and drama in your life.
Use him for sex for awhile! ;)

[TheLegacy]

Run....run for your life!

Keep yourself away from the drama and you'll live a much better life. Plain and simple. They (him and his ex) both sound like they have a few screws loose. He should be fighting for his kid, regardless of how crazy she is so that he can have custody. And if they've been split up for a year and a half already, wtf is he waiting for?

I do understand how you feel, but guys in that situation usually don't realize the necessity of getting custody full or in part for emergency situations. I have over the year had much experience with guys who truly are in shock or are abused - their first thought either isn't to fight for their rights or they simply don't know where to go for help since the system isn't set up to help men.

Men who are in this shock could not imagine that a woman could think to take the kids away or hurt them psychologically against their father. One man I know who had a similar situation faced his ex's mother showing up and suddenly they were planning the trip back overseas where he wouldn't see his daughter again. After speaking to him and giving him the tools to go to family court and the right assistance for dad's, he managed to stop her attempts to walk out of the country. The border will be flagged in that the kids are not allowed out without both signatures and also if they did flee - the police now have the court/law telling them to start pursuing the woman and child in order to bring them back.

Yes it is a great deal to overcome and handle as a 3rd party who happens to be dating someone with this situation, but from experience - having a friend or relationship with someone who is supportive gives a great deal of strength. True both parties are at fault in one way or another - but this is Virgule3's decision and I am sure she knows his personality better.

Good luck but please seek legal aid - family lawyer - custody orders and duty counsel, anyone who can give good advice in the state/province you're in.

[Virgule3]

just to be on the safe side, you need to check this guy out...
he could be feeding you a lot of BS ...

Why? Just because he's from Algeria? They are not all terrorists and crazy muslims...

I have known him for a while now, and I'm 99.9% sure he's telling the truth.

[Virgule3]

I'm going to say run also.

You do not need other people's problems and drama in your life.
Use him for sex for awhile! ;)


I had been waiting for years to meet a man like that. He's perfect for me, he's got everything that I look for in a man, even the long hair, which isn't necessary, of course, but it is a bonus so I believe it is worth waiting a bit, see what happens, what kinds of efforts he's willing to make to make things right. Then, I'll see...

[Evil Chris]

I had been waiting for years to meet a man like that. He's perfect for me, he's got everything that I look for in a man, even the long hair, which isn't necessary, of course, but it is a bonus so I believe it is worth waiting a bit, see what happens, what kinds of efforts he's willing to make to make things right. Then, I'll see...Fair enough Sophie. Let it play out and see if he's really the one for you, then. I hope it works out for you. You deserve to be happy!

[B O B]

guy sounds like he has too much drama
go for a man, instead of some warped out boy

[oceania]

you deserve to be happy - :) but remember that he is someone's EX(not like the Ex will let you forget it) but there could be some bit of truth to the things she says - (or like my ex he could use that to get into bed with the next woman he wants)

[the New Shemp]

Why? Just because he's from Algeria? They are not all terrorists and crazy muslims...

I have known him for a while now, and I'm 99.9% sure he's telling the truth.
no, its got nothing to do with Algeria, its about him still living with his wife in separate bedrooms...
plus why do you have to "almost hide" when you are together..?

its just plain weird to me...

[Virgule3]

no, its got nothing to do with Algeria, its about him still living with his wife in separate bedrooms...
plus why do you have to "almost hide" when you are together..?

its just plain weird to me...

Well, I lived, as roommates, with an ex for a whole year before he met someone and moved out. We were great friends, and the situation both suited us at that time so I believe it is possible to remain friends with an ex and have absolutely nothing happen other than a great friendship.

And we don't "hide hide", but if we are "out in public" it's okay, we can kiss, hold hands, etc, but we have to be careful if we run across a friend of hers because if she finds out about me, she'll kick him out and forbid him to see his son. That's what he's the most afraid of.

She, technically, has no right to do so, but she is crazy, manipulative, how do you say "dependante affective" in English? etc... Anyway, you get the picture.

We aren't officially a couple yet anyway, he has made no promises other than making efforts to come and see me when he gets a break off work (he works crazy hours and lives more than an hour away so it isn't easy) and we plan on going to my cottage soon, going to Montréal to visit my family, etc... So we'll see what the future brings.

[Visualad]

hooray for sexy time!!

[student4ever]

the situation sounds a bit crazy and intense, but you sound happy and that's what really counts :)

[Virgule3]

the situation sounds a bit crazy and intense, but you sound happy and that's what really counts :)

Yes, thanks. :)

[SexArise! Chick]

Sweetie, you seriously need to check this guy out. That sounds like my relationship with my ex, but he was the one who's crazy. They have a charming personality when you first meet them. You never know he might be feeding you a whole bunch of bullshit. Good luck and hopefully it works out for you!

[adultebusiness]

what matters is what makes you happy. you know what you want, you're old enough to make the right decisions. just be happy for what you have right now.

[Virgule3]

Thanks adultbusiness, but it is already over, it was too good to be true. because of his situation, it was difficult for him to commit and I wanted more so... It's over.

[adultebusiness]

well, everyone has to move on eh? There are plenty of guys out there, you don't have to select for the best. I mean no bullshit, there are only a few guys that can make a woman happy. it's not about love, it's about how you handle the relationship, single or married, gay or straight and all that blahs.
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