Quote:
Originally Posted by Funbrunette
Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.
End of story.  Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol |
I think that I have a unique perspective on this since as you know shedevil my wife has her own site
It did take alot for me to come to terms with it - the whole idea of her professional life may be affected etc etc.
Here is what the net out is:
for the guy
- you have to realize that your wife is not doing it for any other reason other than to feel beautiful about herself and at times to earn a wee bit of money. NO your not loosing your control or 'word' when you compliment her, just women at times need to hear it from others... and seeing yourself up in lights really helps the ego and self confidence.
- trust is really put to the test here. Why shes doing it doesn't seem to register to you because most men don't have the same self opinion - but believe me, she isn't fooling around nor will accept advances from anyone else.
- there are times that women will merely fight just to see how far you will let them go. the minute she feels fenced in - she is going to fight. give her the space she needs to let this out, or she will feel that you held her back for years and that will put a wedge between you.
- finally, and take it from someone who has a wife as well that everyone is all over at conventions and icq's etc., lighten up on the strings. Trust her that she isn't going to do anything to demean you or ruin the faith and trust you have put in her. I smile and watch shedevil been gropped and talked about knowing that she is coming home with me LOL... also she knows when to stop and knows when I can be upset.
for the woman
- when during the entire time you knew of men did you think that they gained to power to know what your thinking? or even more - your motives? Saying you want to do something he immediately puts himself into your shoes coming from a males perspective - which is wrong most of the time. case in point - whistling at women while driving (men thinks a woman is feeling, "please stop I so want you now") try to express exactly your vulnerabilities and set up ways for him to feel in control. You already know that to be a man - a man must feel respect and in control. take that away and you've taken the man away. disrespect him and he will start regretting every minute with you. Its a careful balance but it can be accomplished. Open up and explain to him exactly what your thinking - try to stop him from attempting to "fix" it as he will try and do. He can't fix emotions and self worth even though he may feel this is a silly attempt.
- men rarely trust men. although you may have pictures up on sites etc. there apparently is a line that was crossed that neither one of you talked about. reaching out to a photographer says to the man, "you aren't as good as another man". I know it sounds silly, but now there is competition and disrespect happening. Men are protective most of the time of their wifes... and especially in an adult industry - there is safety and confidence in having a beautiful woman by your side promoting him. You have now taken that focus off and started on yourself. As important as you may feel to have others admire you - he needs you to admire him.
women need attention and to feel better about themselves - even if they get it from home all the time. the idea is, "well you do of course your my husband".. but its part of their sexual makeup. Men not as much - they need to feel respect, trust and honored by their wife. take that away and you take away the man. try and find a tender balance.
nothing, and I mean nothing including a website is more important than a marriage and the love - faith and trust between the two. Smear it and it will have a ripple effect for years to come.
I love my wife - deeply. Enough to let her go free and try her website. Yes we have certain limits - most which she hates with a passion, but she is respectful enough not to push the boundaries that will ultimately affect how we love one another in day to day life. I on the other hand try and understand that although she loves me and needs me - she will need the attention that most women require to feel desirable. Who am I to stop that process? There has to be a mutual respect, trust in all things, and at times it means sacrifice on both parts to come to a happy compromise.
Good luck