[Cyndalie]

Just feeing a bit down and out is all.

I have never felt so unattractive in my life. My love life is gone - its like he isn't even slightly interested in sex or affection, I got really bummed out last night being so clumsy (knocked shit over and made a mess) and feeling like a fat slob, it's awful. Nothing fits right. I need more warm clothes but most maternity stuff is just plain or ugly...I may end up shopping in the mens dept for sweaters and stuff. That sure makes you feel pretty...right... like I don't feel frumpy enough as it is. Heartburn is getting to me all the time now - so annoying. My boobs leak and it's really gross - going to have to start wearing a bra at night or something. My naked days are over, not that I even want to see myself naked anymore. My cats are acting weird, they are clingy, hovering around me, sleeping on top of me, all 3 sitting on me, it's getting really annoying as cute as they are. Enough is enough, I have a human inside me and 3 animals on top of me, sometimes it just makes me want to yell "get off me!" I need some space! which makes me feel like a monster - they are just being affectionate. Bri feels bad I'm not having a shower and wants to do something but I feel embarassed asking people we just 'kind of' know to come to party/shower ... In my family showers have always been about family (I guess my mom being one of 7, 5 of which were girls has something to do with that) so inviting neighbors and coworkers feels kind of stupid like you're just asking for gifts or something - it just feels wrong to me. Plus your hubby isn't supposed to be the one throwing a shower..and well I have no friends here.. so whatever. I miss my brothers and my parents and my friends. I miss hanging out, having a drink, feeling like a human rather than a sideshow "How big will she get folks??". I hate that I've gained 30lbs already, and I know I'll never look the same.

I'm just really starting to feel hormonal/emotional for the first time this prenancy. I guess I've been lucky to have gone this far feeling so great. Maybe I'm just burning out of positive energy and need some 'down time'.

Who knows.

I'm not into pedicures/massages/haircuts and that shit - I dont really like strangers touching me all that much and it's more of a pain in the pocket than anything else.

Well, tonight is our last childbirth class and we get to tour the hospital. Looking forward to that.