Cyndalie, I wish I was there to give you a big hug. There is nothing easy about pregnancy. And imo 9 months is too damn long! Mind you it made me feel much better and sort of sad for the poor female elephant that has a 22 month pregnancy.
I can sympathize with the feeling lonely. Remember when I was pregnant with Mackenzie Rob still wasn't allowed in my parents house and most of my family wasn't speaking to me. Everyone I knew lived over an hour away and no one would ever come to visit me. I understand being stuck with a damn man who doesn't understand. And don't feel bad about feeling that way either. I didn't think my daughter would have grandparents and I just figured that means i need to buy more cookies. Mackenzie changed everyone and I can't even express how she seemed to 'fix' everything in my life after she was born. As far as the shower. If someone wants to through it then let them! If they want to buy you something big or little let them. Keep in mind this is partially for you and partially for your baby. You know baby Cyn wants to see a picture of her/his mommy in a big stupid hat made of bows and ribbons.
The cats know that something is going on with you and are trying to keep you warm and safe... don't feel bad about kicking them out of the room for the night. We do that a lot, especially when I was preggo. And remember as bad as it makes you feel kicking them out can't really compare to how horrible you sleep with so many lumps in the bed. And if you feel really bad the next morning, give them a big squeeze or two.
Leaky boobs suck. I went from being amused to being really annoyed with it really fast. I would suggest getting maternity bras and pads now. (P.S. GET WASHABLE PADS). I personally found a maternity shop here with a nice lady who fit my boobs specifically. It's nice because they are very adjustable once you find the right one. And no they don't look attractive but they keep those girls in line, and comfort is #1 right now. Believe me if you plan to breastfeed you'll wake up with watermelons on your chest and will be happy to have the huge bra to keep them under control. And yes I slept with the bras on all the time (pst I sometimes still do cuz they are toooo comfy lol). There are no wires so they are really nice and meant to wear all the time. Get 2-3 so you have extras for when you're washing some or if you leak through.
I didn't get that big with pregnancy but it didn't help how I felt... As I just looked like I was bloated and fat. That 'fat' feeling won't pass until about 3 months after the birth. What I did for clothes is buy a bunch of nice big track pants, those long tanks with lace at the bottom just fit my belly and sweaters. There are also some really nice stuff at maternity stores. They are expensive but I got a pair of pants and some tops to fit my belly right and loved them.
You won't feel sexy, so don't worry about trying right now. You're going to feel like you should be green to match how much of an ogre you are being. Time is not going to be on your side for the next little while. I went through some really bad time the last month or two. I just wanted my body and life back. You should talk to your doctor as you may have an imbalance chemically. I know I have a permanent saratonin deficiency which got really bad during the end of pregnancy. I know you don't like the pampering things but you need to figure out things you can do to pass the time while you wait for baby to be ready. This time isn't about anyone else. Not the cats, not the hubby. Not your parents or friends. This time is Cyndalie time. and that is it. If all you want to do is watch the Friday the 13th movies and eat pickles with ice cream then do it.
Look at your belly bump and rub it. Think about your little one. You are doing something really amazing right now. You are making life. The baby needs you to be happy right now because he/she is feeding off of your emotions. Think about how wonderful your Christmas's are going to be waiting for Santa, and when he says his first words.. even the first time he looks at you and responds to you. I cry almost everyday with the things Mackenzie does. It is hard to believe I had anything to do with it. And it is very hard now to recall how shitty I felt and how much I wanted to just get rid of her when I was pregnant. Even for her first two months I loved her and wanted her but I was too exhausted and still upset and wanted my own space.
Believe me this all will pass. It will not be in the next month but it will eventually all go away. Trust me. And I cannot express how much YOU WILL GET YOURSELF BACK. You will be that tight little Cyndalie again that I want to do dirty little things to
. You will just have even more. A child adds something to your life I just cannot explain. All I can say is I never question why I'm here anymore, and no matter how upset or sad I am all I have to do is look at my daughter or watch her sleep and I melt. I would do ANYTHING for her. There is something so special about a child. Being a parent is hard from conception. There will be different things to face. Pregnancy is a big hurtle but it will also help give you patience when she breaks your favourite tea set your grandmother gave you or wanted to watch LazyTown instead of you being able to watch House. But no matter what the sacrifices just hearing her giggle is worth it all. Looking back I would go through the pain of labour every single day if I had to to be able to have my daughter now. I wouldn't have been able to do that two years ago... we all grow... just take some down time and relax and do nothing... take some Cyndalie time.
p.s. I wrote you another book... and only cried twice writing it! mwahaha!
