I've actually spoken to several paying customers through my review sites specifically about cross-sales. The consensus view seems to be exactly what it should be... if a cross-sale is honestly presented to the consumer as an option they can choose or opt out of there really isn't much controversy and won't be much of a problem. The problems rise proportionate to how far away from honest the xsell goes...
Some people in the industry like to believe that the difference is in the checkbox. They think pre-checked or checked is a huge difference... but it really isn't. For example, a pre-checked xsell above the submit button in size a 21 bright red font is hardly an attempt to fool anyone into anything. On the other hand, xsells below the submit button in tiny print (or the many rumored things going on that don't appear on the join page itself are a huge problem).
What I have seen only once or twice... and believe is the BEST way to handle xsells is a simple and honest approach that will actually boost revenue, increase consumer confidence and make affiliates happy as well... a discounted 'package' purchase on a join form. In other words, instead of trying to rip off the consumer, why not actually give them something WORTH wanting. Here is how I would do an xsell on my own paysite:
1) "Thanks for becoming a member of MySiteX. As a special offer, if you check this box you may also become a member of XsellSiteY for the DISCOUNT price of $20.00 instead of the standard thirty dollar price. That's a 33% discount just for choosing to get full access to BOTH sites as a package deal!"
2) I'd pay any affiliate who sent an Xsell 10% of the xsell value on top of the sale value.
By using this approach the affiliate earns an extra $2.00, the paysite owner earns more money, the xsell site owner earns more money... and the consumer gets 2 sites instead of 1 with a $10 savings so they feel they got a benefit not a screwing.
Obviously the numbers would need to be adjusted based on site pricing etc, but many sites already have lower price point link code options so clearly this COULD be done...
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