Is It Better Or Worse To Marry Young?

Cyndalie · 05-05-2009, 01:58 PM

In 1980 that the average age of American women marrying for the first time was 22. Less than 30 years later, the average age for a first marriage has jumped to 26 for women and 28 for men.

I know many people around my ate ('76ers) waited to get married and some have still yet to tie the knot. While many 5-10 years younger are ready to start families - and are doing so at an age when the furthest thing from my mind was marriage and kids - it was finishing college and finding a guy to date longer than 5 months

I was 27 when I got married and we had been living together for 4 years prior. I think we did it at the right time, but I do wish we had been ready for kids sooner than 'oops, you're ready!'. When I was younger I imagined I'd be married by age 28 but no later than 30 and definitely not earlier than 24.

As for the thread topic question - I think it really depends, but I'm leaning towards marrying younger, between the ages for 23 and 25 as ideal.

This gives you time to finish school and spend together before child rearing begins, and yet you don't feel the family planning pressure that being older than 30 presents.

What do you think?

DrChango · 05-05-2009, 02:24 PM

I just turned 29 and now I feel like an old spinster, thanks! lol jk

I think mid to late 20s is ideal, gives people a chance to figure out who the hell they are going to be and get their education and career paths set

Magnus3x · 05-05-2009, 03:14 PM

I married at 34, first child at 36 and I would'nt have had it any other way. I did a lot of living from 16-33 and now I'm in the right place at the right time.

Vid Vicious · 05-05-2009, 08:27 PM

i got married early and devorced in my early 30's .. had the life now i got an other .. however i'm looking forward to possibly getting married again .. but not right now

2MuchMark · 05-06-2009, 02:50 AM

What's the point of getting married at all? None that I can see. Been with the same girl for 23 years now and not being married works for me.

Cheers!

lulu · 05-06-2009, 10:49 AM

interesting. i don't anyone who gets married in their 20's anymore. mind you in quebec, many couples live together and never get married.

i guess the right age is when two people make that choice and are ready to make that commitment.

LizAEBN · 05-06-2009, 12:13 PM

I don't know that there is a right time to get married - I know some folks that got married at 18 and are celebrating their 15th anniversary, others that got married at 30 and split a year later.

I got married after having been w/ my honey for four and half years, we were 25 - we figured it was long enough to be sure we were in the right relationship, and that we approached things the same way. All the big conversations - money, kids, where we wanted to live - were had.

It sucked when he made a complete 180 within 6 months. We stuck it out for another two years before we made the decision to part ways.

I wouldn't do it again, just 'cos for me, that piece of paper made a major difference in how we approached one another. I like that I make a conscious choice to be with my partner every day and vice versa.

DrChango · 05-06-2009, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizAEBN

I don't know that there is a right time to get married - I know some folks that got married at 18 and are celebrating their 15th anniversary, others that got married at 30 and split a year later.

I got married after having been w/ my honey for four and half years, we were 25 - we figured it was long enough to be sure we were in the right relationship, and that we approached things the same way. All the big conversations - money, kids, where we wanted to live - were had.

It sucked when he made a complete 180 within 6 months. We stuck it out for another two years before we made the decision to part ways.

I wouldn't do it again, just 'cos for me, that piece of paper made a major difference in how we approached one another. I like that I make a conscious choice to be with my partner every day and vice versa.

I think people in marriages (or in some cases that are just cohabitating) start taking each other for granted, and either stop trying or even seeing what they can get away with

cynical, I know, but a lot of the girls I've dated over the years only seemed to get their shit together when it was clear I was a hair's breadth from packing up my belongings and taking my show on the road

FortressDewey · 05-06-2009, 03:23 PM

Marriage is definitely work, I got married later was 33.....i almost think it's harder getting married later b/c everyone tends to get set in their ways and knows what/how they want things done. We celebrate 5 years this summer, so that is good and got a super beautiful 3 yr old together, but it is still lots of work.

I advise my step daughter to not be worried about getting married until you have lived some life on your own, know what you want etc.

So, IMHO, like someone else said...did a lot of living from 16-32 and wouldn't have it any other way

12ClicksMichele · 05-07-2009, 12:16 PM

I was married really young (20) and it only lasted a year. Its not anything I regret because I have a beautiful daughter and an amazing friendship with her father and hsi wife. They are family to my. I just got engaged 3 weeks ago (35) and this is the first time in all these years I can honestly say I am ready for it. Until I met my fiance I really couldn't see myself ever being married again.

HeavenLeeGoddess · 05-07-2009, 12:29 PM

Im 23 and married (almost a year now).... We've been together for 6yrs before we got married....... I never thought id get married in a million years.......lol... But i did........

Gin · 05-07-2009, 02:19 PM

I think it depends on when you feel that this is the perfect time to get married and it doesn't matter at all how old are you - 17 or 50

Do it when you want is cause it's better to do and regret than not do and regret

student4ever · 05-07-2009, 02:23 PM

I think the concept of an "ideal time to get married" is a trap. Each person will be ready in their own time, when they find the right person. Giving in to the pressures of having to do things on an ideal time schedule gets people into trouble by making hasty decisions rather than knowing what's right for them.

Rochard · 05-08-2009, 01:50 AM

Marriage is a life long commitment. That's a decision you cannot make at age 19 or 24. You don't know yourself, no less what this other person will be like.

I got married at thirty-two and a year later had my first and only child. It's perfect.

When your twenty-one and have a kid.... You can't afford jack shit. The way it is now.... My child is so fucking spoiled!

lulu · 05-08-2009, 09:49 AM

so many good points here. i don't really have anything to add. just interesting read.

Danny · 05-08-2009, 11:58 AM

I was 21 and Carol was 18 when we got married. We've been married now for 28 years. There really is no right or wrong in this, it's really up to how you personally feel about it and what you want.

yen · 05-11-2009, 05:26 PM

I think it is different for everyone. For me I have always been a relationship kind of girl so I always wanted to be married before I was 25.

LizAEBN · 05-13-2009, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrChango

I think people in marriages (or in some cases that are just cohabitating) start taking each other for granted, and either stop trying or even seeing what they can get away with

cynical, I know, but a lot of the girls I've dated over the years only seemed to get their shit together when it was clear I was a hair's breadth from packing up my belongings and taking my show on the road

I don't know. My husband and I worked really hard at maintaining our relationship. But there was something about that piece of paper that turned him into a completely different person than who I meant to/ thought I was going to marry. We did date nights, and quality time together (and apart), we discussed... We really did work at it.

I'm not one of those "I've got a dude, so I can quit shaving" broads, either. We just... didn't work after we got married. And I won't do it again 'cos I don't want to ruin what I've got now.

dyonisus · 05-13-2009, 02:57 PM

I married when I was 34 was split up before the time I was 38. I dont think it matters it is more about what is between the two and how well each knows themselves. She was 12 yrs younger then I was, she really did not know herself when we dove in!

NicAngel · 05-13-2009, 04:50 PM

I think there's pros and cons for both. Personally I don't think people should marry at all.

officegirl · 05-14-2009, 05:30 PM

agreed pros and cons to each, for us, we married young, and are financially far better off to bring up our young son than we would have been 10 years ago.

so we are happy with our decision

Kenny B · 05-15-2009, 03:39 PM

It's all about when you meet the person you feel would make a good life partner, I've met her 3 times now, maybe this time it'll be for keeps... Or maybe I should learn my lesson and stop buying diamond rings... time will tell;-)

DrChango · 05-15-2009, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny B

It's all about when you meet the person you feel would make a good life partner, I've met her 3 times now, maybe this time it'll be for keeps... Or maybe I should learn my lesson and stop buying diamond rings... time will tell;-)

got my fingers crossed for you=)

SexArise · 05-15-2009, 08:41 PM

in my early teen years i always wanted to get marry no later than 22, now i am pass did and wish i did. i dont think i've miss much seeing how life is now if i was married man

SexArise · 05-15-2009, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny B

It's all about when you meet the person you feel would make a good life partner, I've met her 3 times now, maybe this time it'll be for keeps... Or maybe I should learn my lesson and stop buying diamond rings... time will tell;-)

all the best, however your last statment seems more logical

thruma · 05-16-2009, 12:25 PM

I think the ancient Celt's were very wise.

They had marriage for a year and a day. When that time was up the marriage was over and if you wanted you could marry again for another year and a day or for eternity.

I don't see a need for legal marriage of any kind. All that does is make money for the gov and lawyers.(licenses, certificates and divorce fees)

Get married for the ceremony of whatever religion you follow. If you're not religious then just live together.

Here in Canada you're common law married just by living together so I really can't see why I should go to city hall to do it.

SexArise · 05-16-2009, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thruma

I think the ancient Celt's were very wise.

They had marriage for a year and a day. When that time was up the marriage was over and if you wanted you could marry again for another year and a day or for eternity.

I don't see a need for legal marriage of any kind. All that does is make money for the gov and lawyers.(licenses, certificates and divorce fees)

Get married for the ceremony of whatever religion you follow. If you're not religious then just live together.

Here in Canada you're common law married just by living together so I really can't see why I should go to city hall to do it.

interesting.

seochick · 05-18-2009, 03:20 AM

i think for the women, they should married between the age of 24 to 29.. because women with the age of 30 or above, they start having problem on giving birth.. I mean the pain is much painful than younger women..

Cyndalie · 05-18-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thruma

I think the ancient Celt's were very wise.

They had marriage for a year and a day. When that time was up the marriage was over and if you wanted you could marry again for another year and a day or for eternity.

I don't see a need for legal marriage of any kind. All that does is make money for the gov and lawyers.(licenses, certificates and divorce fees)

Get married for the ceremony of whatever religion you follow. If you're not religious then just live together.

Here in Canada you're common law married just by living together so I really can't see why I should go to city hall to do it.

Heinlein readers understand the concept of "Contract Marriage" - Marriages or civil unions deemed for an amount of time and inclusive of a prenup that can be renewed or dissolved after the period is up. In this agreement is a section for children and how they will be cared for during and after, dealbreakers, and other agreements. This makes much more sense than how expensive 'divorces' can be.

DrChango · 05-18-2009, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyndalie

Heinlein readers understand the concept of "Contract Marriage" - Marriages or civil unions deemed for an amount of time and inclusive of a prenup that can be renewed or dissolved after the period is up. In this agreement is a section for children and how they will be cared for during and after, dealbreakers, and other agreements. This makes much more sense than how expensive 'divorces' can be.

Why are all the ladies who read Heinlein already taken!?!?!?!

Niven carried the "contract" concept into his Known Space universe, and it worked well with his ideas about population control and emigration off-world