Santa Claus reads this board

[Rochard]

Dear Santa,

I've been very good this year. I've been faithful to my wife, well, almost. I quit smoking, and cut back on jerking off (although mostly because of a lack of new jerk material). I've also made good on my promises to Fun Brunette, both financial and physical.

So, in return, I would like to ask for the following few items.

1) My dick is too big. Can you please send me something to make it a bit smaller. Both lengthwise and thickness please. Most women take a gander and say "Oh God". No, really, they do.
2) I want Evil Chris to send me all of his traffic. Or at least put my upsell feed in his member's areas.
3) I wouldn't mind having a faster Mustang. Since they don't make such a beast yet, a new Ferrari would do nice. Red please.
4) HOW ABOUT SOME FUCKING PAIN KILLERS FOR MY FUCKING TOE ALREADY? What did I do to deserve this?
5) A number of people in the industry owe me a lot of money. I would like for all of them to pay up at once before I need to hire a fucking attorney. While your at it, both my brothers owe me money too.
6) A large bag of pretzels.

Thanks!